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The Power of 'Or': Choosing Your Path

Writer: Nicholas Fair NowakNicholas Fair Nowak

Colorful collage with retro objects like books, rotary phones, pink roller skates, and a cactus. "OR" in bold yellow letters at center.

First off, I apologize. This article is behind schedule. I have lots of excuses, none of which I will deploy. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of asking or, as in, “This or That?” While it is true that one can have This and That, I believe the or question is more imperative to address. For example:


  • Do you want to be happy or successful?

  • Do you want to be respected for your kindness or for your harshness?

  • Would you rather be rich or joyful?

  • Is it better to be frantic or focused? Mindful or manic?

  • Are you helpful or harmful? 


Asking or is so important because it forces us to choose, to prioritize. When we try to be This and That, we end up stretching ourselves thin, often to the breaking point, and sometimes beyond it. Whether it be personal or institutional philosophy, I suggest you explore the or. It may be the essential question you're avoiding–and the key to better leadership. 


For those who are looking for a place to begin, I’ll offer this adaptation of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Five Mindfulness Trainings. Answering these questions will likely be a challenge:


  • Are you committed to cultivating interdependence and compassion or isolation and indifference?

  • Will you protect the lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals or exploit them for personal gain? 

  • Will you practice openness, nondiscrimination, and critical thinking, or will you welcome anger, fear, greed, and intolerance?

  • Are you committed to practicing generosity in your thinking, speaking, and acting, or will you try to be superior to others? 

  • Will you share your time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need, or will you hoard opportunities to maintain your status? 

  • Do you see that the happiness and suffering of others are not separate from your own, or are the happiness and suffering of others not your concern? 

  • Do you prioritize wealth, fame, power, and pleasure, or do you prioritize service that reduces the suffering of others? 

  • Are you committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening, or do you speak to obtain and hold attention?

  • Are you committed to speaking truthfully, using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope, or will you spread uncertain news and cause division and discord for the purpose of capturing an audience and gaining followers?

  • Will you avoid speaking and acting out of anger, or will you use your anger to fuel your words and actions?

  • Will you prioritize understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness for all, or will you seek to win prestige at the expense of others, using disparaging remarks and excluding outsiders?

  • Are you committed to cultivating good health, both physical and mental, by practicing mindful eating, drinking, and consuming, or are you committed to entertainment at the expense of your body and mind?

  • Are you determined not to use or create products containing toxins that are harmful to the body, mind, and environment, or will you use and create the necessary products to maximize profit and personal gain?

  • Will you consume in a way that preserves peace, joy, and well-being for one and for all, or will you consume in a way that expedites the attainment of wealth, fame, and power? 


Be it thought-provoking or infuriating, I hope you find this process helpful. Ultimately, we can't have it all. We must choose. 

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